QUEEN OF THE NIGHT

As you read, please play the video. This piece was my inspiration while writing the article. 

Magic is a gift I have always wanted to be born with. That unlimited power, that allows you somehow to be unreachable, unpredictable, and most of all supernatural. A fantasy that I refuse to abandon, even though life stubbornly tries to convince me each day, that I am more normal than I can ever hope to be.

But, after a moment of self-arguing, I came to the conclusion that maybe “a witch” is the word for me after all, since my daily self-representation would be a dreamer with a pinch of crazy, which I have to admit is a more suitable and society-convenient effigy, that I choose not to settle for since I officially appoint myself as “a modern witch”, isn’t that after all what women with those criteria were always called and still be.

At least, this is how most beautiful, fierce, and unique women with amazing abilities were labeled. Creatures of the night, dark forces worshippers, and mistresses of evil. Abnormalities that were to be controlled, caged and wiped out. Hidden, afraid, and powerless, even if power is all they possess.

Irony of fate, how can your greatest power be at the same time your weakness, that one flaw cursing you toward a ruthless eradication?

As this brain of mine wandered around, I couldn’t help but realize that even today, when I, the modern, educated, and trying to-be sophisticated woman, go from being feminine and docile to being revolted or unchained, I the mother, the wife, the daughter, the sister suddenly becomes a savage creature with anger management issues, in other terms a “modern witch”, the true incarnation of the mischievous Lilth that corrupts their sweet Mary.

When being transformed from a gentile flower into a wild one, why am I never seen as a dandelion ready to let go of its florets after the blow of a wind, why am I always considered as a carnivorous flower ready to devour them all?  An unhuman being deprived of whatever made me, the moment before the storm, a perfect human.

Lost in my raging thoughts, I imagined my emotions, as an opera singer performing the “Queen of the Night” and shouting in denial and in furry against this gender injustice, while men with strong emotions are considered leaders and perfectly capable of expressing their disarray, women are perceived as incompetent of holding back their emotions to always be the perfect nun condemned to follow the set of rules she was obligated to unconsciously follow.

Like Mozart’s famous “Queen of the Night” no word would have been right or just to express the range of feelings that burst into this poor mind of mine, but convulsing and tribal voices crawled out, like an awakening and a voiceless call for help. And to a point, that’s why I came to finally confess I always wanted to be gifted with magic, because even today, I rather be feared and chased than to be afraid and oppressed. A witch that can change the present and the turn of facts with a simple nose twitch or a finger click, without having to fight for centuries for simple things such as freedom or the right to live.

In this little journey of mine that I used to call life, I came to understand that society no matter how hard tries to be neutral by abominating gender gaps and inequalities, human nature always wins, as our genetics hold inside of them our traditions, beliefs, and stories that shaped human history throughout time.

But I refuse to be a result of a collective thinking, I refuse to be a constant with a changing appearance, as genetics can mutate. I refuse to be bonded by rules I never made, I never chose, and I never agreed upon. I refuse to follow them blindly. Instead, I call for the "Hecate" in me, embracing the goddess I am and the Titan I can easily shape-shift into. I call upon her power to guide my travel when crossing realms and liminal boundaries, truly believing that darkness and light can be the unique match to create the perfect being, the “me”.

To their calls of submission and bitter adjustment, I favor myself declaring that I choose to be the monster, the witch that defies them, curses their injustice, unleashes the power of her emotions, the reason of her mind, the charm of her wisdom, and compromises their innocence with her everlasting beauty.

I choose to be a true queen of the night, a unique and marvelous flower that blooms on a quiet, dark night where only the moon shares her life.

Yours, Meryem.